Blog post #50

This post should be something special right?

I don't have anything special.

I do, however, have a plan... or rather a crazy idea.

See here's the thing.

I have troubles keeping commitments that I make to myse

lf.

For example, my hair. I love the "idea" of longish hair. ike this:

Yes, that's ME. My hair used to be that long and that awesome. I didn't have money to get it re-dyed though, and ended up chopping it all off... in a moment of weakness. I don't see the big picture, I see the little picture.

Like my hair. I saw that I didn't have money to dye it, but I did have money to chop it. So chopping it it was. (Can you tell yet that I use my blog to talk things out?)

Basically I need to set a limit. A month of thinking before I make any major decisions. I have so much that I want to do in life that the little satisfactions get in the way. Like ice cream instead of a run. Like... chopping my hair instead of letting it grow.

Things I will let wait 1 month before I act on them:

1) Cutting my hair. (Or dying it)

2) My diet (ending one, not starting one)

3) My half marathon training/race training

One month. That's all I need. I know I need a change. I just feel suck. I don't know how to stick with one.

Let's look back - here's a picture of my face when I was about 18:

My amazing friend Kelley is on the left

A more recent picture of me:

I don't even look like the same person anymore.

Just looking at these pictures makes me sad.

But I had to post these pictures. I had to look at them, side by side. To see the change... it's hard for me, because I'll be honest, my self-confidence is pretty high. I don't see myself as overweight, per say.

But looking at those pictures reminds me that I am.

So I guess I am making an announcement.

I'm gonna take those two pictures above and have them developed within two weeks. I'm going to post them in three places - on the fridge, above my desk, and on my bathroom mirror. Along with those I'm going to post my goals for August (being as I won't have money to get the pics developed until August). I'll be developing my goals for August - but in the meantime here are my two-week goals - lasting until the end of July -

Exercise:

1) Run 4x this week

Diet:

1) No soda or chocolate milk, just plan old h2o and Crystal Light. Oh, and coffee with cream. Because this gal can't live without her coffee!!!

2) No greasy breakfast at work.

Does anyone have any "rewards" ideas that they've used to motivate themselves towards losing weight?!? I'm kinda stuck on that... I'll do some google searching and post my reward ideas later. PLEASE chime in though with anything you've got.

Cheers!

L Finch

Blog post #50

This post should be something special right?

I don't have anything special.

I do, however, have a plan... or rather a crazy idea.

See here's the thing.

I have troubles keeping commitments that I make to myse

lf.

For example, my hair. I love the "idea" of longish hair. ike this:

Yes, that's ME. My hair used to be that long and that awesome. I didn't have money to get it re-dyed though, and ended up chopping it all off... in a moment of weakness. I don't see the big picture, I see the little picture.

Like my hair. I saw that I didn't have money to dye it, but I did have money to chop it. So chopping it it was. (Can you tell yet that I use my blog to talk things out?)

Basically I need to set a limit. A month of thinking before I make any major decisions. I have so much that I want to do in life that the little satisfactions get in the way. Like ice cream instead of a run. Like... chopping my hair instead of letting it grow.

Things I will let wait 1 month before I act on them:

1) Cutting my hair. (Or dying it)

2) My diet (ending one, not starting one)

3) My half marathon training/race training

One month. That's all I need. I know I need a change. I just feel suck. I don't know how to stick with one.

Let's look back - here's a picture of my face when I was about 18:

My amazing friend Kelley is on the left

A more recent picture of me:

I don't even look like the same person anymore.

Just looking at these pictures makes me sad.

But I had to post these pictures. I had to look at them, side by side. To see the change... it's hard for me, because I'll be honest, my self-confidence is pretty high. I don't see myself as overweight, per say.

But looking at those pictures reminds me that I am.

So I guess I am making an announcement.

I'm gonna take those two pictures above and have them developed within two weeks. I'm going to post them in three places - on the fridge, above my desk, and on my bathroom mirror. Along with those I'm going to post my goals for August (being as I won't have money to get the pics developed until August). I'll be developing my goals for August - but in the meantime here are my two-week goals - lasting until the end of July -

Exercise:

1) Run 4x this week

Diet:

1) No soda or chocolate milk, just plan old h2o and Crystal Light. Oh, and coffee with cream. Because this gal can't live without her coffee!!!

2) No greasy breakfast at work.

Does anyone have any "rewards" ideas that they've used to motivate themselves towards losing weight?!? I'm kinda stuck on that... I'll do some google searching and post my reward ideas later. PLEASE chime in though with anything you've got.

Cheers!

L Finch

Never Too Young

One of the things that's plagued me for a long time is the haunting thought that I'm either "too young" or "too inexperienced" to write.

Both of these are lies straight from the mouth of the naysayer.

You know who the naysayer is.

It's the voice in your head that says you "can't" or you "shouldn't".

Don't listen to it (or them).

You are never too young, old, experienced, or inexperienced to write.

Just take it one day at a time. Write your daily quota. Revise that chapter.

Keep pressing on.

The naysayers never know what the hell they're talking about anyway.

:)

Cheers,

L Finch

Shoulds

"What's a should? A "reason" your ego uses in order to try to whip you into shape, writer-shape. But they never work. The ego never has good ideas for writers. Shoulds almost always send writers down the wrong path. The ego is scared of losing its job. It has to exist. Writing, however, is driven by the unconscious mind, a part of self the ego has no control over. That freaks it out. Writers steer by wonder and desire. This is the opposite of should."- Heather Sellers, Chapter After Chapter

This book has been so amazing that I just had to share this quote with you all. I think that I live with a lot of "shoulds". Don't we all? We "should" do housework before we write, we "should" spend more time with others then with writing, we "should" be involved in 500 extra curricular activities, we "should" write a book that makes our parents proud, etc.

Shoulds are killers.

Here's the thing. I've been feeling like I "should" write a book on cutting, because it's in my history, so to speak. But if I had my way, I'd write my fantasy story, and make it mine... it would be a beautiful fantasy.

I think I can do it, too.

But it's very scary to leave the "shoulds" behind. They're like a comfortable area, something to hold onto. "shoulds" are very protective... very comforting. As long as you live within the "shoulds" of society, then you have nothing to fear. But you also have nothing to gain.

Think about it. What "shoulds" are you holding onto? Moreso, what are the shouldn'ts that we are so attached to?

I should write this book for my mother/husband/sister

I should write this article so that people will feel proud of me

I shouldn't write that sex scene, it would be improper

I shouldn't write that edgy scene, it could be taken the wrong way

So now, what should(n'ts) are you holding onto?

Let go of them, and learn how to swim in the ocean of your novel unhindered.

Cheers,

L Finch

PS. And buy a copy of Chapter After Chapter by Heather Sellers. You won't regret it!

"Chapter By Chapter"

So I'm reading this amazing book called "Chapter By Chapter" by Heather Sellers. She has you do an exercise (number three, to be exact) where you take fifteen minutes to write down all possible book titles that you would want to write in your lifetime. Get the book and read it, she makes a lot more sense then I am, and I'm *not* going to break copyright infringement by quoting a whole block of her text.

I just really wanted to tell you what I've learned.

I learned that I have a lot of really good ideas inside of my brain, and that I'm not going to turn out to be a one-hit-wonder. That, my friend, is a relief for me. :)

I also learned that suddenly getting up at 5:30am when your body is used to getting up at 9 or even 10 am is somewhat of a shocker.

I'm signing off to read more Heather Sellers. Cheers!

L Finch

When did you realize you're an adult?

I guess I realized I was an adult just a couple of days ago. I was driving home from work and I realized... wow... I'm 22, almost 23. I have the power to make my own choices chose my own path.

I think growing up has been a process for me because I've always relied heavily on what other people think of me and what other people want me to do. I'm easily manipulated to do whatever other people want me to do.

When I went though a supposedly "life changing" training camp, they called me a manipulater. I know now that they had it all wrong. I'm not the manipulater, I'm the one who allows others to manipulate me.

Well, guess what. My days of being childish and being manipulated are over! I'm an adult now, so you'd better watch out! I'm going out there to change the world!

L. Finch

Novel = Crap

I feel so free today, this song really spoke to me. :) Yay!

So on another note, I think my novel is crap. Must re-write. Starting from the beginning. I'm going to do some more outlining today, work on outlining the characters, make them come alive, making a timeline. Maybe I'll do that at the library. Maybe not. I'll probably spend some time working on it at the Manhattan Public Library tomorrow after work (Off @3, or sooner).

One last thing and THEN I'll shut up. Check out the Life List Club tab above. That is all.

Cheers!

L Finch

Unashamed

So while I was waiting for Josh to come home last night, I was watching Make it or Break it (MIOBI) on Netflix, kinda catching up on some old episodes that I had read the recaps on, just had never taken the time to see. And, believe it or not, I learned something from watching that teen drama show. Or maybe not so much learned something as I remembered something.

I need to be unashamed of who I am.

Here's the deal: growing up I was taught that everything was black and white. You were either right or you were wrong. There was no room for "hey, we have our differences, but I respect that". Now, my parents were and are great and loving people, so I'm not saying this to bash them down or anything like that. I'm just saying that's the environment that I perceive myself as growing up in. Could be true, could be wrong. Anyhow.

The trap that I fall into is being ashamed of who I am

1. What music I listen to

2. What books I chose to read

3. The way I dress

4. The piercings and tattoos that I long to have.

So while I was watching MIOBI last night, I watched as Kaylee admitted that she was anorexic and that she needed help, and listened to her talk about how she always bottled up who she really was because she was afraid of rejection. I thought - that's me.

Not the anorexic part, far from that (lol).

But the whole - "I can't be who I really am because I might be rejected".

Ashamed. Of who you really are.

So here and now I'm making a public statement. I denounce the people in my life who try to hold me back. Who try to control me. I'm no longer going to be ashamed of the way I dress, or the way I look, or what I chose to do with my time.

Most importantly, I need to be unashamed of my writing. That subject seems to be popping up in the writing books I've been reading lately. "Be yourself, you're only hurting yourself if you conform". It's too true.

Because here's the thing guys. At the end of the day, when it all fades away, Christ isn't going to ask me, "hey, Liz, did you make your parents happy? What about your siblings? How about your husband and best friend?"

No.

He's going to ask;

"Liz, did you do everything in your power to serve ME and to make ME pleased with you?"

May my answer to that question be yes. Amen.

L Finch

The words "Giving Up"

These words will not be in my vocabulary.

Today I was reading Janet Evanovich's "How I write" and realizing how totally off I am as far as my novel goes. I have a lot left to write, and quite a few reversions ahead of me!

But that's the point of the first draft, isn't it? That it's supposed to be "crappy", whatever. Point is, it's SUPPOSED to be awful. Plain and simple.

Until I get over the fact that my first draft will, indeed, be crappy, I won't get anywhere. No kidding.

Listen to me carefully.

YOUR FIRST DRAFT WILL SUCK.

Don't let that stop you from making an awesome second, third, and forth draft. Don't go wandering after other ideas, other books, thinking that "maybe this one will be better". Because, guess what, it won't be.

YOUR SECOND DRAFT MIGHT SUCK JUST AS BAD.

Don't give up. The only time you are allowed to give up is when you have learned everything you can about writing from that one horrid book. Then, and only then, are you free to go. Pursue other ideas, write a better book.

The point of all of this is - don't give up. You can do it. I have faith in you.

Cheers!

L Finch